


and now you've made me angry (i can't decide)

by UnluckiestFridays



Series: Series Twelve [5]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), Gen, Psychological Horror, Psychological Torture, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22439527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnluckiestFridays/pseuds/UnluckiestFridays
Summary: She is being torn apart at the seams. Not physically- no, that would be too simple- her entire being is being unravelled. Everything she is, everything she has ever been and ever will be is being twisted, and turned, tightened, and loosened, and yanked.It hurts.It hurts so bad, worse than anything she has ever experienced in her long, long life. So bad that she can't stop the desperate scream the slips passed her lips.
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Series: Series Twelve [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593247
Comments: 37
Kudos: 168





	1. Prologue

"Okay, you don't have to do this," she tries to reason.

Her wrists are firmly strapped down to the leather of armrests and her ankles are in a similar state, pressed back against the metal chair legs with a thick strap tight around them, preventing any movement. There's another, even thicker strap across her chest.

Some device is on top of her head, the bottom of it just visible above her eyelashes. It's heavy and cold against her forehead. She's not entirely sure what its purpose is, but she knows it's not going be pleasant considering the treatment she's already been out through in the two hours she's already been there.

The man- humanoid, but she can't be positive- has small, round spectacles balanced on the end of his nose and he peers over them at her with aged, swampy green eyes. His skin is pale and dry, and though his hands are protected with blue latex gloves, she knows they're wrinkled.

He's just under six foot, his back hunched, probably from years and years of staring down a microscope at unfortunate specimens.

The way he stares at her makes her genuinely uncomfortable. She's never felt more like a lab experiment than in this moment. Not ever has she received this kind of welcome upon others learning of her Time Lord status.

Despite her pleading with him, the man merely turns away and back to the screen he'd been facing when she'd spoken. There are several readings displayed on the screen, each one a different colour against a black background, like a heart monitor but more advanced. Reading things she'd previously not known could be read.

The machine the screen is displayed on has multiple colourful wires protruding from it and trailing along the sticky floor where, at the other end, they connect to the device that she's wired to. A spike of familiar anxiety runs through her as she eyes the setup, and a beep sounds out from the machine.

"Come on, can't we just talk this out? You can ask me whatever you want and I'll answer honestly. Promise," she lies desperately.

The man tsks and steps away from the display screen, pivoting back to her. 

"You lie, Doctor, I can read your fear," he gestures loosely to the screen and the Doctor huffs in annoyance, "still, less of the dillydallying. Time waits for no man, and all that babble."

There's a clever retort on the tip of the Doctor's tongue, ready to be spat at him, but she can hardly sound a syllable when he turns the knobs on the device and presses a big, red button (she loves a big, red button) and then excruciating pain tears through her entire being.

She is being torn apart at the seams. Not physically- no, that would be too simple- her entire being is being unravelled. Everything she is, everything she has ever been and ever will be is being twisted, and turned, and tightened, and loosened, and _yanked_.

And it hurts. 

It hurts so bad, worse than anything she has ever experienced in her long, long life. So bad that she can't stop the desperate scream the slips passed her lips.

* * *

"Is that the Doctor?" Ryan comes to a sudden stop, Graham almost walking into the back of him.

"What?" Graham strains his old ears to hear whatever Ryan is.

Somewhere, in the distance, probably on the other side of the ship, is a scream. Distinctly feminine and pained.

"Oh, my God," Yaz exclaims and tears off back in the direction they'd come from, "come on!"

Ryan and Graham waste no time in following in her hurried footsteps to find the Doctor. They'd been looking for her for almost three hours now. They'd left her with that scientist man whose name they'd eventually realised they'd never even gotten.

The Doctor had encouraged them to investigate and see what they could find and they'd been all too happy to. She'd been a bit snappish as of late- ever since the Master- and they'd been eager to find something else to do rather than deal with her constant diversions and retorts.

It was about an hour before they'd decided they'd explored enough and decided they go back to the Doctor, but they hadn't been able to find her. She'd clearly gone somewhere else.

Which is what left them searching for her for almost three hours.

The fam bolt down the corridor, too brightly lit and empty, following the Doctor's screams.

They'd never heard her make such a horrific sound. Yelp, yes. Startle, occasionally. But scream, never. They'd never heard her scream and it was such a strange, terrifying sound, that the gang don't wait more than a second when they finally reach the room she's in, throwing open the doors and stumbling in a millisecond later.

The sight they are met with inside that room is nothing they have ever expected to see.


	2. Chapter One

Ryan stares in absolute shock and horror at the scene in front of him. Never would he have imagined in a million years that he would find what he's staring at currently.

The Doctor is strapped tightly down to some version of an electric chair, her back arched slightly, pushing against the strap across her chest. Her eyes are closed tightly, her jaw clenched too tight to be anything but uncomfortable. She's gripping the edge of the armrests so hard that her fingers are paler than usual.

It takes too long a moment for Ryan's mind to comprehend what he's seeing and when he comes back to the present, Yaz has the man they'd met earlier on the ground, his face pressed against the floor and one of his arms pulled behind him. Graham is calling him over desperately as he tries to undo the straps on the Doctor.

With an eager nod, finally coming back to himself, Ryan joins his granddad and begins unclasping the leather binds around the Doctor's wrists. Graham has undone the one across her chest.

"What're you doin' to her and how do we stop it?" Ryan hears Yaz demand of the man whose back she is digging her knee into.

"This is outrageous! Get off me!" The man orders with frustration, ignoring Yaz's question.

"How do we stop it?" Graham shouts in a burst of out of character anger.

Ryan spares only a second looking at him, seeing his face contorted into fear, concern, and anger before going back to freeing the Doctor.

"There's a button!" The man relents easily. "On the machine beside the chair. It's red."

"Ryan," Yaz addresses Ryan and then nods in the direction of the machine, telling him to turn it off whilst she keeps the man detained. Then, she turns back to the man. "You better be tellin' the truth."

The man huffs beneath her, wriggles a bit in some hope of escape, then resigns himself to his current fate.

Ryan steps away from the chair and turns to the machine beside it. It looks like some giant car battery with a bunch of buttons on it and wires connecting it to the thing on the Doctor's head and the monitor off to the side. But, true to the man's word, there's a red button on it which Ryan presses.

Almost immediately, the Doctor collapses against the back of the chair, her head tilting forward, chin meeting her chest, as she falls into unconsciousness. Ryan hurries back to her side and undoes the final strap, the one around her left ankle. 

"Thank God," Graham mumbles to himself as he cautiously begins to remove the device from her head, peeling off circular white stickers and colourful wires.

There's a scuffle behind Ryan and when he turns, he finds Yaz struggling to detain the man.

"Can't you just knock him out?" Ryan glares down at the man.

"The Doctor wouldn't like that," Yaz says.

"Well, she ain't awake right now," Ryan folds his arms and makes sure the man knows exactly how furious he is.

"You can't knock me out!" The man exclaims.

"Mate, this is us bein' nice," Ryan retorts.

Yaz swiftly and easily sends the man falling into unconsciousness with a quick blow to his temple. She sighs as she gets up and then wipes her hands on her jeans. Ryan can only guess they're clammy from nerves. His are the same.

They both turn to Graham who's busy with two fingers to the Doctor's throat, checking her pulse.

"How is she?" Yaz inquires.

"Bit warm," Graham says, then pauses for a moment, "hearts are all over the place. Though after what she's just been through, I'm not surprised."

"What was he even doin' to her?" Ryan frowns with concern, the image of the Doctor strapped to a chair and in obvious pain and distress is burned onto his memory. He doesn't think he'll ever forget it.

"I dunno, son, but I think we should get her back to the TARDIS. ASAP. Get her to the medbay, yeah?" Graham suggests to which Ryan and Yaz both hastily nod.

"Who's carryin' her?" Ryan asks.

"I don't think I'd be able to lift her," Yaz admits regretfully.

"Yeah, and my knees have been playin' up lately," Graham says apologetically.

"Guess I'll do it then," Ryan rolls his eyes but steps forwards to pick the Doctor up anyway.

She's a bit heavier than he'd have expected, but he manages to lift her no problem and then sets his mind on not dropping her or tripping as both he, Graham, and Yaz leave the room and begin heading back to the TARDIS.

It takes a lot longer than Ryan would like and he almost drops her a couple of times, but, worryingly, she doesn't stir so he keeps going until eventually he and the others come face to face with the most magnificent blue they've ever seen.

The TARDIS is certainly a sight for sore eyes, Ryan thinks, as he impatiently waits for Graham to open the doors. 

He steps inside the ship, manoeuvring a bit so he doesn't hit the Doctor's head or legs on the doors, and then he crosses the console room in a few short steps to reach the corridor off to the left. He climbs the steps carefully and then hurries down the corridor with Graham and Yaz following anxiously behind him.

They both keep glancing at the Doctor in his arms, probably both concerned with her lack of consciousness. There's not much that can keep their alien friend down for long. The longest she'd been unconscious for was four days and that had been because she'd mostly shielded them from the sonic mine on that junk planet. 

Since then, they'd taken quite a few trips to the med bay to not only heal themselves but to heal her too because of her reckless behaviour and constant need to put herself between them and danger.

The ragtag team eventually find themselves in the TARDIS medbay, the room a stark contrast of white and grey in comparison to the rest of the ship's comforting honey colours. 

Ryan carefully lays the Doctor down on one of the few beds in the room and then hovers awkwardly nearby, unsure what to do. What had that man even done to her? He can't see any physical injuries. 

"What do we do now?" He asks Graham and Yaz.

They both share a look.

"I'm not sure," Yaz admits, "we don't even know what he did to her."

"Can't we scan her using that thingy she sometimes uses?" Graham points to his left where a small cuboid device sits.

It's grey with a black screen, currently turned off. Beside the screen is a circular green button and then on the other side, a dark blue one. 

"I don't really know how to use it, but we could give it a try," Yaz agrees and then picks up the device.

The Doctor has used the device on them a couple of times before, whenever they've been injured but she's unsure of exactly what injuries they've earned or which medication they should take.

They've never seen her use it on herself, simply seen her take some medication or apply a cream to her wounds and then smile as if she hadn't just been almost blown to pieces. They dread to think what she'd been like before their arrival in her life. Or vice versa, since she crashed into their lives quite literally.

Yaz holds the scanner out like they've all seen the Doctor do with them and then presses the green button. The device whirrs to life quietly and then beeps once.

With a press of the blue button, a pale blue beam of light shoots out and finds the nearest injured person which happens to be the Doctor. It runs over her, beginning at her feet and then working its way up to the top of her head.

The beam retracts after completing another scan and then whirs idly for a few seconds. Another beep alerts the fam that it's done and Ryan and Graham gather around Yaz to sneak a peek at the results.

They're not in English. 

They're in the same language that they always see scattered around the ship and sometimes on sticky notes stuck to the console. They've always assumed it's the Doctor's language and have never asked about it, but now they wished they had because they can't read the scanner.

"What do we do now?" Ryan asks helplessly.

"I guess I could check her over, make sure she's not hurt," Yaz suggests, "and then I suppose we'll have to wait."

"Sounds like a good idea," Graham nods solemnly then places a hand on Ryan's arm to lead him out of the room.

Ryan nods and follows his granddad outside. Once they're in the corridor, the door slides shut with a groaning noise and they're left in silence as Yaz checks the Doctor over.

"What d'you think he was doin'?" Ryan quietly asks Graham.

Graham sighs and shrugs. 

"I have no idea, son," he admits, "but whatever it was, it really hurt her and he's lucky the Doc is such a pacifist."

"Yeah," Ryan agrees with a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "otherwise he wouldn't see the light of day again."

"Too bleedin' right," Graham nods, "even if she has been a bit snappish lately, even she don't deserve whatever that was."

With a defining nod, Ryan puts his hands in his jacket pockets and slides down the wall until he's on the floor. Graham doesn't say anything, simply crosses the corridor and joins him on the floor no matter how much he complains about his knees.

The older man shoots Ryan a look occasionally but doesn't say anything.

They sit in companionable silence together for another ten minutes before the door across from them opens with another drawn-out groan.

The duo looks up and when Yaz beckons them in, they get up, Ryan lending Graham a hand, and re-enter the medbay.

The Doctor is in a slightly different position, but other than that, she looks as good as she can considering what she's just been through. 

"Is she all right?" Ryan asks.

"Other than some bruises around her wrists and ankles, and a couple minor burns on her temples, yeah, she's all right," Yaz reports dutifully.

"When d'you think she'll wake up then?" Ryan then asks, a little impatiently.

"I dunno," Yaz sighs, "soon, I hope."

"I'll put the kettle on," Graham copies her sigh and trudges out of the room.

Left on their own, Ryan pulls out a chair for them both and they deposit themselves in them, waiting anxiously for the Doctor to wake. 


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short, I have a lot planned for this fic, hopefully next chapter will be longer :) x

The Doctor doesn't wake for four days. She remains deeply unconscious, lying in the exact same position Yaz had left her after checking her over. She doesn't even twitch when Graham settles down in the evenings to read her a couple of chapters from his favourite books. Nor does she move when Ryan and Yaz sit beside her bed and converse about the most mundane things that, usually, she would jump into with excitement.

Only a few times does her face contort into a wince, as if she's in pain. Before anyone can comment on it, though, it's always gone. They're not sure if she really is in pain because other than that, she doesn't move an inch. Her breathing is deep and not even her eyelashes flutter, usually a sign of dreaming.

So they're left to their own devices, unsure of what they can do until she wakes up. During the four days she remains unconscious, the fam stumble across many extraordinary rooms that they've never seen before such as a beautiful, shining lake with what looks like real trees and real grass surrounding it, and a second library that somehow tops even the first one. They're almost enough to take the fam's minds off of their injured alien friend.

Almost. 

On the second day, when Ryan is watching over her quietly, occasionally glancing away from his phone to check on her, something happens. It's brief, but there's no denying the way her hands glow gold and the quiet ringing that accompanies it. When Ryan sees it, he quickly gets up from his seat and begins to head for the door, but when he glances back, the glowing has stopped and the Doctor is still unconscious. 

He hesitates by the door, still considering going to get Graham and Yaz, but in the end he decides to stay with her in the med bay just in case. 

Thankfully, after four long days and no morning strange glowing or happenings, the Doctor awakens. It's slow at first, as her breathing picks up sightly and her eyebrows pinch together. Then, her eyes open and she stares at the ceiling above her as if she can't quite work out where she is.

The fam all lean in closer, waiting to see if she'll remain awake, and then she sighs heavily. The lights in the med bay flicker, plunging the room into darkness for a short moment and the fam looks away from the Doctor to the surrounding darkness. But before they can comment on it, they turn back on and when they turn back to the Doctor, she's sitting up. 

"Fam?"

"Doctor," Yaz breathes with relief, a huge smile on her face.

Ryan laughs happily and Graham puts a hand on the Doctor's shoulder with his own smile. 

"You proper scared us, you've been unconscious for four days. Are you all right?" Ryan asks. 

"Yeah, 'm fine," the Doctor says, head hung as she stares at her lap. Her hair frames her face like a blonde curtain, almost shielding her from view. "What happened?"

"It was that bloke on that ship we landed on," Graham says, "we dunno what he did to you, Doc, but when we found you..."

The Doctor hums without asking him to continue and not prying any further.

Silently, she pushes the thin, white sheets off of her and slips off the bed, leaning back against it when it's obvious her knees are about to give way beneath her. Graham holds her elbow, offering support but the Doctor pushes his hand away.

The fam watch silently as she stretches her arms and rolls her shoulders for second then begins to walk to the door. 

"Where are you goin'?" Ryan asks.

"Console room," the Doctor answers without glancing back.

"Don't you want nothing to eat?" Graham askz, following her out of the med bay with Ryan and Yaz. "I can get you a cuppa, if you want?"

"I'm fine," the Doctor tells him.

"Are you sure? You've been out for four days, surely you must be hungry?" Graham persists with concern.

"Graham," the Doctor stops and turns slowly, finally looking at him and the others, "I'm fine, I promise. I just need to check the console room, make sure everything's in working order. Like you said, I've been unconscious for four days."

Reluctantly, Graham purses his lips and nods, seeming to accept her answer though it's obvious he wants to argue. 

"Well, if you're goin' to the console room, I'm going to go to the kitchen. That all right?" He says. 

"Course," the Doctor tells him then turns and continues to the console room.

Watching her retreat for a moment, Graham sighs. He looks at Ryan and Yaz who are also watching her walk away. 

"Keep an eye on her, yeah?" He tells them.

Yaz and Ryan nod, agreeing, and then follow in the Doctor's wake while Graham heads to the kitchen. He'll make her a cuppa anyway. He knows she likes them, even if the way she takes them are a bit too sweet for his liking.

* * *

When the Doctor reaches the control room, she shuffles straight over to the console and leans on it, her hands grasping the edge like her life depends on it. It feels like it does. 

Something is wrong with her. Deeply wrong. It's like... something is missing. Everything aches, physically and mentally, especially her head. 

"What's wrong with me?" She whispers desperately to the TARDIS.

She feels like crying. Her hands are clammy where she's gripping the console and it takes every ounce of her remaining energy to move to where the monitor is on the other side of the console.

She pulls the monitor up to eye level with trembling arms and them takes hold of the console again lest she collapse.

The monitor's blank but once she repeated her question to the Old Girl, it lights up with golden circles and she begins to read, blinking harshly every few seconds when her eyes begin to burn.

Strangely, the monitor doesn't reveal anything to be wrong with her. Other than being exhausted and a bit on the warm side, there's nothing wrong with her physically or mentally.

"That's not right," she tells the TARDIS, "there's something wrong with me. I can feel it."

The TARDIS whines quietly in the back of her mind and she winces, pain quickly following. There's definitely something wrong. The Old Girl has never hurt her before by talking to her. Why is it hurting now?

"Please, what's wrong with me? There's _something_ going on."

This time the TARDIS doesn't answer, presumably aware that she'd hurt the Doctor a moment ago. Instead, the Doctor bows her heavy head, basking in the silence that envelopes the console room.

Something happens as she stands in the console room. She is powerless to stop it.

* * *

Ryan and Yaz reach the console room a few minutes later, they come across the Doctor standing at the console, back ramrod straight as she stares at the monitor and fiddles with the controls beneath her hands.

The duo share a confused look then Ryan shrugs and starts towards the Doctor.

"All right?" He asks when he reaches the console. He leans casually on it, mindful of the controls.

The Doctor seems to startle, as if only just noticing their presence then stares at them as if looking down the eyestalk of a Dalek.

"Who are _you_?" She asks in what is most definitely a thick, masculine, Scottish accent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, i started this chapter in February and clearly forgot about it. I hope you like anyway? Lmk i the comments.
> 
> Also, it's my birthday next week but with this whole lockdown thing, i dont really feel like celebrating it. Plus I'll be at work for it, so there's that :/
> 
> Anyways, I hope you like this chapter and, as always, kudos/comments are always, always appreciated :D
> 
> Have a great day :) x

**Author's Note:**

> Just a quick starter chapter to get the story going, i hope you all like this and continue to read :D x


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